A quote I photographed on a random SUV before eating pho♥ Double blessed!
I don't know why I haven't written in here for so long. I guess I started reverting back to tumblr, and at the same time I haven't been as much as an internet junkie as I used to be ever since my computer was moved out of my room. I also noticed that lately, majority of my tumblr posts (fatprincesshope.tumblr.com) have been more Christ-centered and more serious about my faith. I remember I started this blogspot thinking that this would be more of a blog to show my more serious Christ-like side while my tumblr was more for unimportant/random things I'd find across the internet... I realize now, that's just stupid and wrong. It's kinda two-faced, actually. How could I expose godliness to just one blog and let the other be absent of the Spirit? I think as I grew more and more in my faith, my fear of judgment by man towards my beliefs decreased tremendously. So I'm glad that I started to make that change with my other blog... and what's even better is that it was an unplanned process. I'm probably still going to keep both blogs for now, just because I have a lot of connections through tumblr, but I want to try and keep writing here more. Also another thing about tumblr, is that I've been meeting a lot of fellow Christians and seeing articles/posts that have helped me so much. It's really the only thing I look forward to reading on tumblr, I'm really starting to ignore all the other useless junk that isn't benefical or applicable to life situations... other than the occasional random videos/photos that are appropriate and entertaining :)
Anyway, so lately, like the past week or two, I saw myself slowly slipping into a dry season again. Unmotivated, slothful, lethargic, and overall crappy behavior - it started to affect my health to where my neck's been hurting a lot again (I tend to get neckaches when I get stressed out, in this case I was stressed because I know I know better yet I was being stupid and rebellious). Then last night I was convicted like no other. I had a nightmare that I don't think I can ever forget.
To make it short, I was basically surrounded by demons and false prophets in the form of loved ones slipping into darkness and yet I was still witnessing to them. I remember sitting in a car randomly screaming "GOD LOVES YOU!!!" out the window to a random gang at an apartment complex, to convincing my sister to not marry that random guy who was up to no good, to trying to help a good friend of mine break out of peer pressure, drug addiction, and familial abuse (all three situations were only in the dream, none are currently occurring in reality)... Yet I was helpless through everything and I felt trapped, yet I knew God was on my side. I woke up on the verge of crying, but instead of experiencing fear, I felt peaceful. What the heck Hope, after a crazy dream like that, how is that even possible?! Well, I tend to fall asleep to my "Zzz" playlist on my phone, but lately I've been falling asleep to my Phil Wickham playlist. I woke up to about the last minute or two of the song "Cannons", just meditating on the lyrics -
"You are holy great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are
All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours forever amen"
It was 5:30AM, and feeling compelled to talk to somebody, I tried to call Aaron. I always call him in the middle of the night whenever I have bad dreams, but he's always knocked out. But I still tried (hearing his voicemail tends to calm me down hahahah). Amazingly, he picked up. I started crying as I told him my nightmare but also how I woke up to "Cannons" and how strange I thought it was that worship music was playing throughout this whole nightmare, as if to say that God is with me even through the darkest times. From previous experiences, no matter how much I pray, sometimes when I fall back asleep from a nightmare, it only seems to continue. So I begged Aaron to keep me company. Now the creepy part is that there were a lot of strange things happening as if the devil was trying to keep us apart. Our phone call disconnected, Aaron's car wasn't starting, and I kinda accidentally kept him locked out of my house hahah. We talked for a bit until I drifted to sleep as he just chilled on my couch and stayed on his laptop until I woke up a few hours later. Ever since this morning, I've been so on fire for God. I'm thankful for all the neckaches, psychotic dreams, and all the trials in general. I'm learning to truly seek joy through them all. Because as it says in James 1:2-4;
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Forever and ever, Amen.
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